It’s late. I should be packing. Bella keeps saying that it doesn’t even look like we are moving. I’m not sure why. Most everything is in boxes and our mattresses on the floor. I guess it’s just tricky. Seven people still need to eat, brush their teeth, wear clothes, wash clothes…you get the idea. So, there’s still stuff that we need from day to day all over the place. The dishes still need to get done. The laundry still needs to get folded. It’s been hard though. I do this thing, which makes me appear super strong on the outside to some people. It’s when I know something needs to be or get done and I understand that to the fullest extent, knowing there’s no way around it. So, instead of allowing myself to feel crappy about it, I just plow right on ahead and do it. I get myself in a tizzy though being this way, because I often forget, and sometimes try, to just go right on ahead and bypass all the emotional stuff. Never works though. I should make a note of that. All that happens is that i get my feet almost out the door, and then they kinda get stuck. They seem to say, “Wait! We aren’t going to take you one step farther until you at least acknowledge x,y,z…” Then it winds up being a rapid shock kind of processing. As we get nearer and nearer to moving, I can feel that reality setting in. Boo hoo, but can’t I just be sipping hot cocoa next to the Christmas tree? Sigh. No.
As I was sitting nursing baby Sorrel earlier this week, I realized that it has taken me these past 9 months to even start feeling like this was home. It is weird moving into a new place and for me it takes time for somewhere to feel like I belong. When we bought our first home 8 years ago, it took me almost 5 years until I even started putting up anything on the walls. (It wasn’t supposed to be a keeper home…so I was trying to avoid getting attached to it). But, as so many of you out there have been reminding me, it’s what’s on the inside of those walls that counts. The walls themselves can and never will define us. They are temporary and will only serve their purpose for as long as needed. And that time frame…I don’t think one will even know for certain. We can plan our forever’s, but right now is all we’ve got as far as we know. Above all, home is indeed where the heart is. And my heart is always with my family.
So here I am…procrastinating, or maybe not. Creatively I can say I am just coping rather then procrastinating. That’s allowed, right? Coping? I also didn’t want to straight fall of the face of the planet on any of you, because that looks like it will also be part of our reality for a bit. See, we are moving to the top of a mountain…off a dirt road…in the middle of no where. It’s exactly where I’d like to be. One problem…it seems it’s hard to get an internet hook up there, so I’ve got some investigating to do. The only thing I can find thus far is satellite internet with a 2 year contract…in which case we do not know if we will be at the new house for two years. Anybody out there know of a solution? Needless to say…I’m probably not going to be popping in here for a bit. But do keep your prayers and good thoughts coming. We are grateful for each and every one of them! We truly feel them working their magic.
On a side note, here’s my post in The River Reporter. I also just had two other articles published in the Winter issue of Pathways to Family Wellness Magazine, one on green smoothies for kids and the other on gardening in raised beds.
My life feels like such a whirlwind. Does anyone else feel that way? There’s so much good mixed with so much confusing, that sometimes it’s just a head ache to try to make sense of it all. So I don’t. I try my best to process as I can. I let go. I let the whirlwind take me away. This is my life and I want to make the best of it with what I have; with where I’m at. Thank you so much to everyone out there who has made a donation or reached out with their kindness. Even without the Christmas tree, I really am feeling the amazing touch of light, the friendship, the random acts of kindness, the coming together of community…you know, the true meaning of Christmas. And that is an amazing gift. Thank you!
I’m not much up on technology but it seems 3G could work for you?
I know this has to be frustrating, exhausting, unnerving . . . But imagine the memories it will make for someday, when the toughness isn’t so fresh. Someday you’ll be in a rocking chair, holding a grand baby, sighing, maybe even chuckling as you remember your struggles from when you were young.
Beautiful photos of a healthy little one sleeping like an angel,. I was gifted with two this time and they are waiting for mama to snuggle up between them. We are moving to, once again, we thought France so rented for a few months and decided against it so we head back to the USA, and since we love our sunshine CA is our choice. Now to find a home.
Looking forward to seeing you back here…. and seeing a bit of the new place.
take care~
The whirlwind will subside. 2013 is going to be so much better, on many levels. Not better as in we’ll all magically get what we want, but better as in there will be a broader acceptance.
I like the idea of you coming off your mountain once in a while to blog at an internet café – are there any out there?
Nicki
Best of luck with the move and settling the kids into a new life and rhythm. It’s hard I know keeping strong and being protective when there is no-one to comfort you at the top of the chain. As mothers it is amazing how much we do cope with the unexpected and challenging but the bulldozing through the tough times is necessary and then when things are calmer (eventually) you can reflect and then feelings won’t be so immediate and raw. I moved countries with six kids, a sick husband and various animals and with virtually no money and it has been a monumental struggle and continues to be so but its a journey and so much better to live a life than to exist and my goodness my kids know a lot about life and how to survive and so will yours. There are always positives to situations. I will miss your blog and hope you get set up again soon x
What if you got an iPhone or smart phone and did all your blog writing on the phone?
oh my gosh, i so do the plow through thing, and “rapid shock kind of processing” as you said:) i’m sending you all lot’s of love and support in my prayers. and although i’ll miss reading your blog, of course it is all as it should be. and yes, life is absolutely a whirlwind for us too. emotions intensely processing and shedding. it’s a powerful time. i’ve been practicing forgiveness…and sometimes that’s been so very hard…especially with myself. i love you all, and if you can please send me your mailing address like you did when you moved last time. if there’s no email for awhile, i’d like to send some the old fashioned way:) oh, and i don’t know if this would work, but we have an aircard with verizon…so we can connect anywhere. we got it so when we left pennsylvania in our rv we could have internet on the road…it was great. so, if you can get a signal where you are…check it out. and verizon’s customer service has always been great in my opinion…very helpful when trying to decide best option.
Hi Lisa,
Since reading your post last week, you and your family have been in my thoughts. How wonderful of all the people coming together and helping your family. I love your plan to have a non profit farm that will serve low income families. EVERYONE should have access to good, healthy food. Thank you for sharing your story. You are a strong and brave mama. As far as internet connection, I think you can get something through cell phones. Your words and pictures will be missed here. Wishing you all a smooth transition and many blessings during this holiday season.
peace & love,
becky
We have been where you are. Know that you have our families prayers and blessings as you begin this new adventure. Be well.
Sending love, light and peace to your family as you transition to your new home. You will all be in our thoughts over the holiday season. xoxoxoxo
Sending love, light and prayers to you and your family. Hoping you feel uplifted by the people from all over the world who are sending blessings to you all and holding you in our thoughts. Much love, Julie from Australia xxoo
Good luck and enjoy all the small moments that make life special. Women are so strong, when things need to be done we just button down the tears and get it done, and when our children are safely installed where they need to be, then we can let the defences down and crumble a little – don’t rush to hook up back to the net, relish the down time to heal from this latest upheaval and breath that Mountain air deep – Happy Christmas!
Wishing you and your family well. Hope everything will turn out alright! And although it’s over a week I am already giving you my solstice blessings.
Love Sandra
We had a crazy Christmas one year. We had to move also, kind of an emergency. We had Michael who was almost 4 and I was pg and our house was growing mold in every closet and I developed a cough that wouldn’t go away. We had a disagreement with the landlord about the place and suddenly we had to move, and fast! Luckily we found the place we’re in now which is tiny but we love it. We were moving during Christmas and so had no Christmas prepared. We went to a friend’s which was nice. What we did, that was super fun though was we decided on a date and made that date Christmas for us. It ended up being Epiphany- we had no money so I took someone’s cast out tree and we put it outside in our courtyard and decorated it with pine cones and decorated the house and had our Christmas. We had saved all the presents our family sent and it was super fun and a Christmas I always remember. It was nice because we made it nice. So regardless of where you are or when, have a beautiful Christmas!!!!
http://chocoeyes.blogspot.com/2009/01/christmas-my-baby-is-four.html
Wishing you lots of peace in the coming days Lisa. Where we live all we can get is satellite too and that is too unpredictable and too expensive for us – so we still use dial-up and twice a week visits to our little library.
Blessings,
Tonya
yes. life feels like a whirlwind. we have 9 people in our household. trying to keep things all together in this crazy world is indeed confusing. i wish you well!!! happy Christmas.
Maybe this no Internet thing will be a blessing for a few weeks until you get settled in. Do you have a library nearby? Lots of love to you Lisa and Merry Christmas!
Wishing you a quick and easy move, a peaceful Christmas and the new beginning you truly deserve xxx
Not sure to be honest how things work in the US but in the UK, I got a ‘broadband dongle’ last year to go online (no need to set up a 2 year contract when I knew I was going to move). As long as you have a mobile connection, a dongle would work, downside is that it’s usually not very quick speedwise but does the job for going on websites and e-mails (just downloading things would be difficult).
Anyway Good luck with your move, hope all goes well and that you settle in quickly
Lisa,
I’m so sorry to read about the need for yet another transition. Sending you lots of love and HOPE…I will hold the vision that everything will work out and that you will be in an even better place. Surrounding you and your family with love and light…Elizabeth
I might know part of the solution. I hear things about iPhones and how if you have a data plan, you might be able to then get a computer to use that connection. Now, I know with finances you might not have said iPhone, but maybe you do or maybe this can lead to some other solution. Good luck. I know about being disconnected, but I also usually have a library close by that keeps me connected with out being sucked into the “Bloggesphere” all day long. Now with the internet in our apartment I have to be careful and try to only be on the computer during nap time. Like I should get off the computer RIGHT NOW and play with my boy. Again, good luck.
Best of luck with your move. Have a blessed Christmas with your beautiful family. I will miss your blog (temporarily, I hope). I hope you find a way to “get connected” very soon.
oh lisa, tonight was the catch-up on my favourite blogs night and to read this change for you is thrilling, and yet i really empathize with the upheaval you must be feeling. the reluctance to process too fast for fear of that slowing you down from the work before you of moving. we are here, some more regularly than me, and i personally will hold generous space for your continued well being, and especially you and sorrel and breastfeeding and bonding. so much is happening and i can’t wait to learn more about why you’ve moved, but as you say, home is where your heart is and you are one brave mama
i’ve followed your blog a long enough while to know that. peace, lisa and family, and december and solstice and christmas blessings. xoxoxo