It’s late. I should be packing. Bella keeps saying that it doesn’t even look like we are moving. I’m not sure why. Most everything is in boxes and our mattresses on the floor. I guess it’s just tricky. Seven people still need to eat, brush their teeth, wear clothes, wash clothes…you get the idea. So, there’s still stuff that we need from day to day all over the place. The dishes still need to get done. The laundry still needs to get folded. It’s been hard though. I do this thing, which makes me appear super strong on the outside to some people. It’s when I know something needs to be or get done and I understand that to the fullest extent, knowing there’s no way around it. So, instead of allowing myself to feel crappy about it, I just plow right on ahead and do it. I get myself in a tizzy though being this way, because I often forget, and sometimes try, to just go right on ahead and bypass all the emotional stuff. Never works though. I should make a note of that. All that happens is that i get my feet almost out the door, and then they kinda get stuck. They seem to say, “Wait! We aren’t going to take you one step farther until you at least acknowledge x,y,z…” Then it winds up being a rapid shock kind of processing. As we get nearer and nearer to moving, I can feel that reality setting in. Boo hoo, but can’t I just be sipping hot cocoa next to the Christmas tree? Sigh. No.
As I was sitting nursing baby Sorrel earlier this week, I realized that it has taken me these past 9 months to even start feeling like this was home. It is weird moving into a new place and for me it takes time for somewhere to feel like I belong. When we bought our first home 8 years ago, it took me almost 5 years until I even started putting up anything on the walls. (It wasn’t supposed to be a keeper home…so I was trying to avoid getting attached to it). But, as so many of you out there have been reminding me, it’s what’s on the inside of those walls that counts. The walls themselves can and never will define us. They are temporary and will only serve their purpose for as long as needed. And that time frame…I don’t think one will even know for certain. We can plan our forever’s, but right now is all we’ve got as far as we know. Above all, home is indeed where the heart is. And my heart is always with my family.
So here I am…procrastinating, or maybe not. Creatively I can say I am just coping rather then procrastinating. That’s allowed, right? Coping? I also didn’t want to straight fall of the face of the planet on any of you, because that looks like it will also be part of our reality for a bit. See, we are moving to the top of a mountain…off a dirt road…in the middle of no where. It’s exactly where I’d like to be. One problem…it seems it’s hard to get an internet hook up there, so I’ve got some investigating to do. The only thing I can find thus far is satellite internet with a 2 year contract…in which case we do not know if we will be at the new house for two years. Anybody out there know of a solution? Needless to say…I’m probably not going to be popping in here for a bit. But do keep your prayers and good thoughts coming. We are grateful for each and every one of them! We truly feel them working their magic.
On a side note, here’s my post in The River Reporter. I also just had two other articles published in the Winter issue of Pathways to Family Wellness Magazine, one on green smoothies for kids and the other on gardening in raised beds.
My life feels like such a whirlwind. Does anyone else feel that way? There’s so much good mixed with so much confusing, that sometimes it’s just a head ache to try to make sense of it all. So I don’t. I try my best to process as I can. I let go. I let the whirlwind take me away. This is my life and I want to make the best of it with what I have; with where I’m at. Thank you so much to everyone out there who has made a donation or reached out with their kindness. Even without the Christmas tree, I really am feeling the amazing touch of light, the friendship, the random acts of kindness, the coming together of community…you know, the true meaning of Christmas. And that is an amazing gift. Thank you!