Earlier this week you made your sister and you each a “mood diary” where you periodically check in with yourself and how you are feeling throughout the day, and then write it down. It’s a brilliant idea, really. I wonder if I would have thought of making one when I was 13. Today when we got home from piano lessons, yours was sitting on the front seat of the van next to me. I flipped it open. Immediately I didn’t know if I should have or not. I know diaries are supposed to be private, so I felt kinda bad right away. Later that night you asked me if I had looked at your mood diary. I told you that I had, and that I was sorry if I wasn’t supposed to. You asked me what page I had read. Truthfully, what I read made me feel pretty sad at first, so I was hesitant to tell you. There were happy feelings, but also some not-so-good ones on the page I had looked at. The truth is, that I don’t want you to ever feel icky. I have felt pretty down in the dumps lately myself, and I wouldn’t ever want you to feel the way I feel at times. In that split second this crazy notion popped into my head, that you should be happy all. the. time. I felt that if you were not feeling so good about yourself or your life…that it might mean that I wasn’t doing a very good job of being your mom. So, I hesitated, but I told you…because I wanted to be honest…and you said it was alright. In fact, I told you that reading your moods…both the good ones and the bad ones actually helped me. A lot. Because it showed me that I am not the only one feeling so bad sometimes. We are human and inevitably will have times when we are not or do not feel our best. And that even when we have bad times, there are still the good ones…like taking the time to connect with each other. You teach me so very much. Thank you for that.
Love, Your Mama